I wanted love so badly

 I wanted love so badly 

I wanted love so badly…

I lost my head…..

I listen to my heart all the time…

It keeps breakin…..

Cos I wanted a fairytale…

I wanted romance 

But somebody turned away…

Discarded my butterflies…

I can’t make him love me…

I wanted him to change my mind 

Yet there’s no hope….

I thought love has walked away from me 

Actually it was the opposite,

The heavy disappointment is tellin me 

He’s not the one….

He never was…

But,

I stay 

And stay

Waitin for him to spin his heart around…

Cos I wanted love so badly…

I wanted him to love me, too….

He couldn’t, 

He can’t,

Not like that…

He loves somebody else….

I stopped 

Lingerin 

It took me a long time 

To wake up….

If I was patient for too long 

My heartache would sink me in deep…

I’d be cryin all the time 

Maybe not cry 

But bitter…

Cos I wouldn’t know how to get over 

A man who doesn’t want me….

This type of obsession can ruin my health….

How much love did I want?

How badly did I crave?

Desperation has a name for it….

Honestly 

To be real with myself 

No man is worth it….

If he doesn’t love me, 

If he doesn’t see me,

He doesn’t value you….

Women like myself 

be lying to themselves 

About we’re goin to be together 

Forever…got all hopes up 

Til we realized 

These are Mr. wrongs….

They showed who they are 

Somehow true colors went over our heads…

When we consume into a relationship 

Like fools

Not knowin it’s toxic….

We fight and defend with passion 

That men’s souls are red flags….

Cos we wanted love so badly….

But we have to use wisdom 

And be extra cautious with our hearts 

Before we fall in love…….

There are too much Fakeness 

In the world….sometimes 

We have to guard ourselves 

And go slow, 

I need to remember that….

I have to sustain that thought in my mind 

Cos I usually rush like terrible habits….

I need to practice 

To go slow

To become wiser

I don’t need to harden my heart 

That much….

Be kind 

Be honest 

Be a good friend 

Love is a big word 

Full of verbs 

And I must be careful….

✊🏿💯©️Kai C. 6-24-26

Don’t tell me what to write…

 Don’t tell me what to write 

Don’t tell me what to write….

Sir…

Ma’am….

Don’t ever ever tell me what to write 

Especially to a black poet….

Why would you wanna tell a black poet 

To change a subject?

Cos he or she talks about racism way too much….

Is black power makin you feel uncomfortable?

Does it trigger you?

Cos you have no business tellin anybody 

To write somethin different 

Even if you know me or not….

Let me make a choice on my own terms….

You’re just a reader…

Another user who passes by….

Don’t tell me what to write…

You should have scroll 

You should upload the page…

You should have block my posts 

Do somethin…

Like what’s wrong with you?

 Black poets have many topics to write about…

They could write whatever the fuck they want…

You think I’m obsessed 

You think racism is the only thing I write about….

Honey, racism is in our faces all the time….

My observations are my inspiration….

I take poetic notes….

Racism is the problem 

I study the issue like homework….

What are you doin? 

Since you’re feelin my black poetry a certain way….

I do have the righteous anger

But do I hate people?

No i judge the terrorism on the planet….

Don’t ever tell me what to write…

Cos black history inspires me

Black people inspire me

Our slave mentality got me thinkin…

Got me curious…

Are you a writer?

Are you a bot?

Are you tryin to get rid of my page?

Cos I write pan Africanism…

Or you don’t like the mirror I place in front of your eyes…

Cos who told you to tell me 

I should write something else….

Do you know me?

I don’t think so….

You don’t know me 

I’m a stranger….

Why are you tellin an unknown person to branch out 

In poetry? 

Do you do that to the other writers?

I’m not alone….

Don’t tell me what to write 

Don’t you ever tell me?

My writin is my freedom 

My words are my pride…

I did somethin to you 

I made you feel…

I made you feel the need to tell me 

To change the subject….

Cos your discomfort is in your space…

But hey I could be wrong…

I don’t know….

Just don’t tell me as a black poetess 

To turn racism into somethin

Just cos you don’t like the kind of power 

I have when it comes to black people….

When it comes to lovin my people a lot 

No matter what…

✊🏿💯©️ Kai C. 6-23-26